LAUNCHING AD -TATLUMPOT TATLO

GERTRUDE SHEEVAH HANNAH MARY. The pastor’s daughter. A certified virgin. A no-boyfriend-since-birth kind of virgin. A whore-like virgin. The curious virgin. The kind of virgin who is always looking forward to her supposed first bed experience.

But her not-so ordinary boring life turned to a twisted fate when she surprisingly found herself involved in the investigation of a suicide-turned-murder case of a suspected drug pusher detained at Manila City Jail.

Will she be able to pull her life back to normal now that the drug syndicate is after her?

This fast pacing heart racing novel will make you think twice and doubt whether the dictates of society’s concept of “good” and “holy” are just mere illusions designed to suit the majority’s pleasure.

5 Nerve-Wrecking Valentines Date

It is not always roses and chocolates.  Sometimes, it is better to spend Valentine’s Day alone.  Here are five (5) stories of individuals who will never forget that particular day for the rest of their lives and wished that they should have stayed at home alone instead.

  1.  I was having a relationship with a guy via phone only. We haven’t met yet in person and yes, while writing this down I feel totally desperate.  He had this deep voice and his pics in Facebook show that he is not bad looking at all.  I was desperate at that time to have a boyfriend so I was in the “kahit-na-sino-pwede-na” situation.  That’s how pathetic I was.  We decided to finally meet up in person on Valentine’s Day.  I was expecting that it will be a romantic date but when I saw him he had no flowers with him; not even chocolates.  He asked me where I want to go so I replied, “kahit saan”, thinking that he will surprise me.  He told me that he wanted to be alone with me so he asked me if I wanted to go to a motel.  I acceded.  But at the reception, he told me he had no money and told me to pay for the room instead.  In order to ditch the hot stare from the receptionist, I paid the bill while rolling my eyes in disgust.  Yes, I was stupid to pay it.  We were assigned at the second floor.  While following the room boy, this asshole kept on bragging that he was able to bring girls on each floor of that motel.  I just tried to play cool all along.  When we were already inside, he immediately undressed himself and started kissing me.  I told him to lie on the bed first and wait for me for a few minutes since I want to ask the receptionist for the receipt so I can have it reimbursed in our office.  He replied, “bilisan mo ha”.  He was too stupid to buy that one but nothing is more stupid than how I felt that time.  I left the room hurriedly and never returned again.  I immediately blocked him from my Facebook account and erased all traces of him.
  1. I and my boyfriend always avoid dating on Valentine’s Day. We both find it corny.  But then, one Valentine’s Day, we decided to break our rule and decided to give it a try.  We dined at Max’s Restaurant just outside the office.  All along I thought he had a budget for our dinner.  Although I bought extra money with me for emergency purposes, I have no intention of letting him know that since I was looking forward in buying something for myself.  He ordered expensive meals so I was really thinking he had money for our date.  After the meal, he asked the waiter for the bill.  It reached Php1,845.00.  So I grabbed my bag, stood up and told him, “O, bayaran mo na.  CR lang ako.”  He panicked and whispered to me, “Huh?!  Kala ko may dala kang pera!  Wala akong pera!  P600 lang ‘to!”  I felt angry at him but don’t want to tell him that I have a budget so I played a hard joke on him.  I told him, “Ano ka ba?  Wala akong pera!”  He was really sweating as he texted our officemate and his brother to rescue us.  I left him and went to the ladies room.  I took my time inside the ladies room.  When I returned after few agonizing minutes, I told him, “Sige na.  Ako na magbabayad.  Meron pa lang nakaipit sa bulsa ko.”  He did not talk to me for the next 3 days.
  1. I was always the romantic type. I remember way back in college, I had a really cute boyfriend.  We agreed to have a date on Valentine’s Day.  All the time, I was thinking of all romantic things he might do for me.  This time, I want him to feel special too (although deep inside I was really expecting he’ll do more for me).  I bought him a rose and a box of chocolate for a change.  When I saw him at our meeting place, I noticed that he was not carrying anything for me.  I thought, “Sige lang.  Baka surprise.” I handed him his rose and chocolate but he refused to carry them.  Ako daw muna ang maghawak.  We ate in a fast food and …that’s it.  He never even bothered to offer movies.  No flowers for me.  No chocolates.  No whatsoever.  I envy those girls holding flowers or balloons given by their dates or boyfriend.  Worst, he did not even bother to bring me home.  He refused to accept the gifts which I gave him.  I felt terrible that night and I wanted to cry.  Inside the jeepney on my way home, our neighbor saw me and teased me when he saw the rose and the chocolate without knowing that it was actually me who bought those for my boyfriend and that Mr. Asshole had the temerity to order me to bring them home instead.  To my outraged, I threw the rose and the chocolate outside the jeepney.
  1. I and my girlfriend planned to spend our Valentines in my pad where we will both cook a special dinner for two. That afternoon we went to the grocery to buy the ingredients.  We had a heated argument.  She was fuming mad.  As far as a recall, it was only a puny matter which started it.  I know that she really had a temper issue so I just shut my mouth up hoping that it will finally stop her from making a scene.  But the more I refused to respond to her cussing the more she cursed and shouted at the top of her lungs.  It was really embarrassing me and people are already staring at us.  At that time all I really wanted to do was get out of there.  I started to walk away from our cart to cool things off.  But I was not aware that she started looking for me.  At the farthest corner where she saw me she shouted, “Hoy! Putang ina mo!  Bumalik ka dito hayop ka!”  That was the last time I ever talked to her.
  1. I had a relationship before with a married man who has long been separated with his wife, albeit de facto. He could not secure an annulment case because his estranged wife threatened him.  Instead, he converted into Islam so he can marry me.  We decided to go on an out of town trip as our advance Valentine’s Day date.  When we returned to the metro, his estranged wife appeared right at my doorstep and made a scene.  She was cursing and threatening me that if ever I passed the board examination she will file an administrative case against me so I will lose my license.  All the humiliation and threat she made to me went to my senses and I lost my composure.  I threatened her back that if she will not leave me alone I am going to marry her husband under the Sharia Law so the financial support she gets from her husband will be divided since she has to share it with me.  From then on, I never heard from her.  I broke up with my then boyfriend and living a quiet life.

The Day I Fell In Love With ‘Manila’

I rose from the dead and traveled the lonely road.  No more turning backs now…for today, I am bound to find out what awaits me in the land full of promises and hope. img_20371

Today, I will seek refuge to my dreams and allow fate take charge of what was left of me.  I so much loath the land I came from and half convinced that I am ready for another raucous journey.img_20311

I walked through dirt and found her. img_19911

 

There she is.  Lovely and full of life.

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The famous ‘she’.  The muse of the entire universe.  The scorned child of the unknown.  A real bully at the core of the thousand islands.

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Then she smiled at me.  And from then on, that was the most cruel smile I have ever seen that will linger in my memory for the hell I care; a smile from a hypnotic bitch casting a spell to my tormented soul.  And from what I heard, they all call her “Manila”.  Enticing as she sounds, she beckoned me to follow her.

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Let’s play, were the last words she uttered.

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I refused, of course.  I had to.

For a brief spell, our eyes met and I was able to stare at that lovely face -the face of the bitch that reveals nothing but brutal coldness and selfish whims.  I felt at that moment that I can no longer tolerate her exotic charm.  This madness must be stopped.  But wait.  Am I being harangued and bitched by this witch for a brief spell?

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Within a split second, I felt a surge of paralyzing fear.  I was hoping that she would play another cynical scheme on me; that another episodic abuse from one of her sporadic games she mastered will be played on me.

But I was wrong.

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Instead, she just stood there motionless with a face revealing nothing.  She made me watch.  She made me see.  She made me feel.  Even without lifting that playful tongue.

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And then I stood there, virtually nonexistent in front of this condemned damsel.  Seduction was the trick.  But falling for the trick is called “sin”.  Once cornered, it then becomes addictive.  And nobody dares to leave.

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Because her spell lingers on the skin no matter where you are and you will always find your feet turning around and running back to her.  What was with her that keeps me wanting for more?

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I could have turn around and leave.  I have my own life to begin with.  I have my own Manila left at home, waiting for my return.  Equally beautiful, equally enticing, equally productive, and equally popular.  But there is something with this “Manila” that made me wants to stay and start a new beginning.

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And there I was.  Captivated by her lethargic charm I could not afford to recover.

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I don’t belong to her.  I know that.  She was a haven built for the most hardened incorrigibles.  Only the scrupulous few who mastered the uncanny game of life can tolerate her.  Only those who are insensitive to social pretensions can kiss her torridly.

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She sleeps every night with homicidal felons and corporate whoremongers alike.  But not my kind.

Damn!  Not my kind!  Do you hear that?  You envious rumormonger, do you hear that?! 

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Why her?!  Oh good heavens why her?!  She is a career criminal and I am the willing victim.

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Slowly, she drew that little cat’s grin with all the beguiling charm present.  And it’s officially over for me.

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I entered the city in full spirit but dismayed the moment I set my feet on her land.  Dirty.  Polluted.  Savaged.  Abused.  Haven of the social outcasts.  Cursed.

Cursed…

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Then I realized I had enough.  I am not destined to be with her.  The dirty ‘she’.  The cursed ‘she’.  The beautiful and mysterious ‘she’.  At the back of my mind, I wonder how many hapless lost vagrants fell at the palm of her curse.  Damn, this is just not my cup of tea.

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I turned my back and said ‘no’I cannot go with you.  I am bound to live a quiet and peaceful life.  Instead, she just stood there and stared at me, saying nothing.  But her silence is deafening it makes me want to scream.

You haven’t seen the real me, she protested.  Just stay.

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But I turned my back and started walking…walking…away from her.  But each step grew heavy and heavier.  I could not stop thinking about the hypnotic bitch standing and staring behind me.

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But at the back of my head, I was hoping she would say the damn last word and try to stop me.  I wanted her to beg.  To plea.  To make me stay for the last time.  I want to know if she feels the same way for me.  But I heard nothing.  No, not from her.  Not from that beautiful silent bitch.

And I hate her from the core of my bone.

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So I turned my back and met those pair of beautiful eyes.  And from that brief spell, I could not stop cursing myself.  Idiot!  You moron, don’t look at her.  You sonnofabitch don’t fall for her!

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But there it goes; I lost the game she alone had mastered.  I found myself walking back towards her.  And at that instance, I could not think of anything as I grabbed her and held her in my arms.  I felt her in my embrace and could not let her go.  The touch of her skin lingers to my senses.  She is a damn certified witch who casts the most terrifying spell on me.

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And for the first time of my denying existence, I finally understood the disheveled mess she is into.

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She made me see the beauty behind the dirty roads she traveled.  She made me appreciate the dangerous life she takes.  She thought me how to laugh at the pathetic story of hers and how blessed I am at the sanctuary of my room.  She thought me the things that I refused to see in the first place.  She made me believe in convictions I denied ever existed.

 

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And yet, despite the horrifying tales of the million unknown, the sun of the east sets to her feet to remind everyone that her happiness is hers and hers alone, no man can steal.

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This world is indeed dirty, cursed and abused.

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But this dirty, cursed and abused world does not necessarily mean that life has to be one too.

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And I am officially in love with Manila.  My “Manila”.

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PHOTO CREDIT:   Bea C. O’Malley

Joan Barayuga

 

 

Kelan Ka Ba Mag-Aasawa?

lady wine

 

Sabi nila ay tinatamasa na raw natin ngayon ang bunga ng pagsusumikap ng mga kababaihan noong dekada ’70 para magkaroon ng tinatawag nilang equality among sexes.  Ibig sabihin ay may patas na pagtingin na ang mga kababaihan sa mga kalalakihan ngayon kumpara nga naman noong 19kopong-kopong.  Patas na karapatang pantao, bumoto, pumili ng bokasyon at propesyon, at makilala sa larangan ng anumang uri ng paligsahan.  Pati nga bokasyon na noon ay nakalaan lamang sa  mga lalaki ay pinasok na rin ng mga babae.

Subalit hanggang sa ngayon ay may stigma pa rin sa lipunan na di mabago-bago.  Ito ay ang pagtatalaga ng boundary kung kelan ba dapat lumugar na sa tahimik ang isang babae.  Scientifically speaking, may basehan nga naman dahil may expiration date kung kelan pwedeng magdalang-tao ang isang babae.  Bale ba naman kasi ang pagkakaroon ng anak ang siyang sentro ng pag-aasawa base na rin sa ating Saligang Batas.

Pag tuntong ng isang babae sa trenta, lahat na ng mga mata ay nakatuon sa kanya at minamarkahan siya kung bakit hanggang ngayon ay wala pa siyang asawa.

Baka pangit at walang manligaw.  Baka di pa sawa sa pagiging dalaga.  Ah, di na yan magkaka-anak kasi matanda na.  Manang kasi kaya di pansinin.  Ang taba-taba naman kasi kaya di kaakit-akit.  And the line goes on…

Kabwisit lang kung minsan di ba?

Kumpara mo nga naman sa mga lalaking nasa trenta na pero binata pa, ibang red alert ang pinapasan ng lipunan sa isang babae kapag siya itong wala pang asawa.  Minsan nga kahit na may nobyo naman siya pero di pa rin nagpapakasal maririnig pa rin ang bulungan na di naman yan pakakasalan at pinatatanda na lang yan ng lalaki.

Sila ang mga thirty-something na kababaihan na in denial na matandang dalaga na sila.  Katwiran nga naman nila, thirty is the new twenty ―maipilit lang na di dapat pa maging applicable sa kanila ang pressure ng pag-aasawa.  Kaya ang counting period ng pagiging matandang dalaga ay dapat magsimula lamang daw pagtuntong nila ng kwarenta.

They are single, yet successful in their own field.  Pero sa totoo lang, masaya ba sila sa tagumpay na tinatamasa nila gayung mag-isa lang sila sa buhay?  Pag-uuwi silang pagod, may sasalubong ba sa kanila?  Pag malakas ang buhos ng ulan, may susundo ba sa kanila?  Pag nilalagnat sila o masama ang pakiramdam, may mag-aalaga ba sa kanila?

Their plight might be the same as yours.  Hindi lang natin alam.  Madalas kasi mas pinipili na lang natin wag na lang pag-usapan ang ganitong issue kasi napapahiya tayo.

Siguro nga it depends on how the pressure of society affects you.  How would you cope up with that?  Malamang sasabihin mo bata ka pa at nasa line of twenty ka pa lang.  Saka mo na lang poproblemahin ang pagiging single pag malapit ka na sa dead-end.  Ang hindi mo alam, dyan din sila nagsimula hanggang sa di nila napansing trenta mahigit na sila at ang lalaking hinihintay nila ay nagpakasal na pala sa iba five years ago pa.

Gaano nga ba ka-big deal ang pag-aasawa sa tamang edad para sa isang babae?  Mababawasan ba ang kalidad ng pagkatao niya base sa singsing na isusuot niya sa daliri?  O, sapat bang pakasal na lang sila sa kahit na sinong available masabi lang na na-beat nila ang dead end?

Kung tutuusin ay di pares ang lipunan.  Mas matindi ang pressure na binibigay nila sa babaeng nakatuntong na ng trenta kesa sa lalaking kasing edad nila.  Ang trato ng lipunan ay nauubos na ang oras ng babae pag nasa dead-end na siya ng kalendaryo.  Pero bakit nga ba naman walang ganitong bearing pag lalaki ang single at thirty?

So tell me: KELAN KA BA TALAGA MAG-AASAWA?

 

photo credit: pinkillustration.wordpress.com

 

PUBLISHING YOUR OWN BOOK? HERE’S HOW

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Every writer’s dream is to have his or her own manuscript published in hardcopy.  Yes, you have it right: IN HARD COPY.  It might be easy to circulate one’s own work by simply uploading it in websites or any social media and it will nonetheless still be considered as published.

But having a hard copy and seeing your own book in bookstores’ shelves authenticate your claim as a legitimate book author ―whether self-published or not.  It separates professionalism from a mere hobby. It gives you that gratifying feeling that indeed you can finally and officially call yourself an author.

Not all of us are given the opportunity to be discovered by publishing companies and be offered with a signing contract.  Arguably, most publishing houses in the Philippines scout for what sells the most to the masa.  We all have our own genre and as of this writing romance and chic lit stories are still the “it” thing among the local readers, most of which are young adults.

For a legal suspense writer like me, it is difficult to find a local publishing company that caters my type of writing.  With that, I came up with the idea of publishing my own novel, all equipped with nothing but guts.

 

Write a good story that will sell

It doesn’t matter what your genre is as long as you have a good product that will sell.  After finishing your manuscript be sure to have a good editor to have it checked no matter how good you think your story is.

There are independent editors who are willing to offer their services on a per project basis.  All you have to do is to scout for reliable contacts and maintain good working and professional relationship with them for future projects.

 

Edit, edit, edit!

It takes at least five times for you to detect grammatical and typo errors.  After you finished rewriting and editing your product, be prepared that your editor might still consider overhauling your entire manuscript.

Be patient and humble enough to listen even if it means changing your entire story 360 degrees.  If your editor can detect something that is not worth appearing in your manuscript then that means the public will more likely see the defect as well.

 

Publish

 Once your editor gives you the go signal the next step is to find a good and affordable printing press company.

Be sure to have your own book cover design because it’s either the printing press doesn’t have an in-house graphic artist or, in case that they do, they charge extra for the design which might cost you much.

There are other things to consider after you have your finished product such as registering your book for copyright, applying for ISBN, depositing a copy to the National Library, barcode and the likes.

Now you see that we are in serious business here.  It’s not the same as having it printed and selling it automatically to the public.  Formalities, such as what was mentioned above, must be taken into account.

On my part, I find it more convenient to have a publishing/printing company that offers complete package such as printing posters for the book, designing book cover, registration for copyright, ISBN, depositing a copy to the National Library, barcode and free printing of the draft.  They might come expensive but the quality of the book and convenience they offer are satisfying.

 

Negotiating with Bookstores

As soon as I had the draft (which the publishing/printing company released to me in advance) I went to National Bookstore’s main office in Pioneer, Mandaluyong to negotiate and offer the book.

I was able to get an appointment with the person in charge for fiction and submitted my novel.  Their team is termed as the “buyer” because they decide if they will allow your book to be sold in their outlets.  Another meeting was set after 2 days to know if it passed their quality and standard.

Two days after and I got the news that Beyond Reasonable Doubt passed their review and scrutiny.  Another meeting was set to discuss the contract with them as well as the number of copies I will be distributing.  They also offered list of branches where I can drop copies.  Since my novel is legal suspense, they suggested branches where there are professionals (my target readers) who frequent the areas.

They also give insights on what must be added or removed in the book using the draft I submitted to them as basis.  This is the main reason why the printing press released only the draft before printing the whole number of copies so that revisions can be noted and changed before the final printing.

We also discussed the possibility of having a book launch.  On a side note, NBS requires that there must be a display of minimum 100 copies to be sold on site during the event.  This does not include the copies which will be distributed to the different branches.

Ideally for a kick-off, 300 copies will do.  200 will be distributed to different branches nationwide while the remaining 100 copies serve as stand-by books during the event.

Don’t expect that the first book will sell as pancakes.  In my case, I was able to sell a good number of my novel because it only has a limited copy (300).  Still, not bad for a first timer, don’t you think?  Consider it more as a promotion in order for you to be known and established a name.

 

As you can see, I didn’t view writing as a source of income but rather as passion.  One of these days, when I already established my name, my own circle of readers will do the promotion by themselves.

Consider your book as a tool of your good work.  Word of mouth will soon follow and will serve as your own PR team.

Good luck.

 

DANGEROUS MIND

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Ang selfish lang ng peg

In crimes of passion, the most common scenario is that the murderer claims insanity as a defense in order to evade imprisonment after he or she brutally butchered his or her lover to death.

These murderers claim that they were not in their right minds when they committed the crime.  Hence, prayed that they be acquitted on the ground of insanity.  Some became successful in invoking the said defense while others were not and were convicted for the crime committed.

Ever wonder why this line of defense became overused if not abused?

Here in the Philippines one of the circumstances that affect the penalty to be imposed to the accused is the so-called Exempting Circumstances (Art. 12, RPC).  There are at least seven (7) circumstances found under this list which, if present during the commission of the crime, the criminal is free from criminal liability (but technically not civilly).

Let us put it this way: it is said that a crime is committed either by means of deceit (dolo) or by means of fault (culpa).  There is deceit when the act is performed with deliberate intent; and there is fault when the wrongful act results from imprudence, negligence, lack of foresight, or lack of skill (Art. 3, RPC).

For purposes of our discussion, we will focus in crimes committed by means of doloDolo is composed of three (3) elements: (a) intelligence; (b) freedom; and (c) intent.  The Exempting Circumstances are based on the absence of any of the elements of dolo.  In other words, an insane person is free from criminal liability because of the absence of intelligence, except in the case of the insane when he acted during the lucid interval.

Article 12, 1 of the Revised Penal Code particularly provides that:

“ART. 12, Circumstances which exempt from criminal liability. –The following are exempt from criminal liability:

  1. An imbecile or an insane person, unless the latter acted during lucid interval.

When the imbecile or an insane person has committed an act which the law defines as a felony (delito), the court shall order his confinement in one of the hospitals or asylums established for persons thus afflicted, which he shall not be permitted to leave without first obtaining the permission of the same court.”

An insane person is one who suffers from a mental disorder in such a degree as to deprive him of reason.  Generally, insanity is the result of a disease and this can be permanent or temporary.  While an imbecile is always exempt from criminal liability, an insane may be held criminally liable if he acted during a lucid interval.

Now, listed below are ten (10) of the notorious insanity defense cases recorded.  Let’s read their story and find out why the other differs from the rest.

Ten Notorious Insanity Defense Cases:

  1. ANTHONY and WILLIAM ESPOSITO (1941, Manhattan)

During the early years, the defense of insanity was so famous that most criminals who invoked this walk as a free man.  But not all the time.

Brothers Anthony and William robbed a payroll truck and killed an office manager and a police officer in the process.  The two were caught and were subjected to trial for the death of the civilian and an officer.

During the trial, the Esposito brother claimed insanity as defense and tried to live with it by displaying extreme behavior.

The brothers, for example, would bang their heads against the table until they bled, bark like dogs, drool, and cry uncontrollably.

However, despite such display of insanity, the court remained unconvinced and sentenced them to death by electric chair.  The brothers then pursued a hunger strike for a total period of ten (10)   months refusing any food.  They were in a state of near-death when they were taken to the electric chair on March 12, 1942.

The case of the Esposito brothers served to correct the misconception that criminals who plead insanity defense often walks as free men.

 9.  DANIEL SICKLES (1859, New York)

Sickles was the very first man charged for murder who invoked the insanity defense.

Sickles, during that time, was a known politician and Civil War Union General.  He was married to Teresa Bagioli, a 15 year old girl, while he was 33 years old.  This same man chose not to present his wife to Queen Victoria and instead, hired the services of a prostitute and introduced the latter as the wife.

But the greatest scandal of his life came when he shot and killed in public Philip Barton, a famous lawyer, for the alleged affair of the latter to his wife.

During his trial, he claimed insanity because he was so enraged with his wife’s infidelity.  The jury (composed of all male) acquitted him.

  1. STEVEN STEINBERG (1981, Arizona)

In 1981, Steven was charged for the murder of his wife Elena who sustained 21 stab wounds with the use of a kitchen knife.  The irony of it all is that it was Steven who called the police and reported a burglary gone awry.  During the investigation, the police did not find any sign of break in.  The investigation turned to Steven which eventually led to the filing of the appropriate criminal case against him for the murder of his wife, Elena.

The case drew too much attention at that time, not only because it is a heinous crime, but because it was a case of homicidal somnambulism, or simply known as sleepwalking murder.

The jury later on acquitted him on the ground of temporary insanity.  Taken from the legal argument, it was said that, “Steven was not in his normal state of mind when he committed the act.  Sleep walking is a parasomnia manifested by automatism; as such, harmful actions committed while in this state cannot be blamed on the perpetrator.

According to Steven, he could not remember the crime and was sleeping at that time, hence the murder while sleepwalking.

  1. ANDREW GOLDSTEIN (1999, New York)

Andrew was charged for the killing of a young writer, Kendra Webdale, by pushing her into the path of an approaching N Train in New York.

Andrew has a history of schizophrenia and claimed to hear voices.  He believed that someone had dissected his brain.  Not only that, but he also believed that his genitalia had enlarged from consuming contaminated food, and someone named Larry stole his feces and ate them with a knife and fork.

According to the prosecution, Andrew killed Kendra because she resembled Stephanie the stripper who frustrated him the most.  He was said to be only using schizophrenia as a defense to evade conviction.

What makes this case controversial is that Andrew was sent to the hospital for a total of 13 times between 1997 and 1998.  Each confinement was voluntary on his part and he even requested for permanent hospitalization.  However, he was put on the waiting list of the hospital.

Andrew was convicted of second degree murder.

  1. JOHN HINCKLEY, JR. (1981, Connecticut)

John developed an obsession with Jodie Foster in her movie the “Taxi Driver”, where she played as a child prostitute and Robert Deniro plays Travis Bickle, who plots to assassinate the presidential candidate in the film.

John was able to watched the said film for at least 15 times and became infatuated with Foster.  Soon thereafter, he began stalking the actress by relocating to New Haven, Connecticut, near Yale University where she was studying.

John signed for a Yale writing class and slipped her poems and messages through her door.  He would call her persistently as well.  The actress did not pay attention to his attempts and this frustrated him.  He attempted to take his own life in front of her just to gain her attention.  This did not work as well.

Then he planned to assassinate President Ronald Reagan.  As the president left the Hilton Hotel, John shot him 6 times but only ended up wounding other people in the process.  One of the bullets hit the president in the chest but he survived.

John was caught and charged for the assassin.  He claimed insanity and was acquitted of all of his 13 charges of assault, murder and weapon counts.

Due to the high profile of the case, the public perceived the insanity defense of John as a loophole in the legal system which allowed a clearly guilty criminal to walk out free.

Thereafter, most states were pressured to reenact reforms of legislation regarding the use of the insanity defense.

  1. JONATHAN SCHMITZ (1994).

A TV program about same-sex crushes was about to be produced.  They started haunting for individuals who would openly admit to having a crush on television.  The team found Scott Amedure who had a crush to his friend Jonathan Schmitz.

The producers of the show invited Scott to appear in one of the episodes of the show, explaining to him that someone had a crush on him.  The producers reasserted that Jonathan was fully aware that the show was about same sex crushes.

However, on the part of Jonathan, he was rather expecting to find his ex-girlfriend on stage.  Instead, he found Scott who described his sexual fantasy involving Jonathan on the program.

Three days after, Scott left Jonathan a suggestive note. Upon finding the note, Jonathan purchased a shotgun, confronted Scott, and shot the latter twice in the chest resulting to his death.

Jonathan was charged for the crime.  The defense used the “gay panic” defense or a state of temporary insanity caused by undesirable homosexual advances.  The case became controversial because it is a little known psychosis and its validity is widely debated within jurisdictions.

However, Jonathan was found guilty of second degree murder and sentenced to 25 to 50 years of jail term.

  1. LORENA BOBBIT (1993, Virginia)

We have met Lorena and John in our past topic, the “25 Horrendous Crimes of Passion”.  The young couple were from Virginia.  John had a history of mentally and sexually abusing Lorena throughout their marriage.  Sometime in June 1993, John arrived home highly inebriated and proceeded to rape his wife, Lorena.

After the incident, Lorena went into the kitchen for a drink of water.  Instead, she saw a carving knife on the counter.  Such sight triggered for memories of years of domestic abuse that she experienced to her husband.  She then walked back to their bedroom where her husband was deeply sleeping, but this time, carrying with her the carving knife.

She cut off almost half of his penis.  With the severed penis in her hand, Lorena left their apartment and drove to a field where she threw it away.

But coming to her senses, Lorena made a call to 911 and reported the incident.  A team went to the field to search for the genitalia and was able to recover it.   John was taken to the hospital where he went surgery and his genitalia was reattached.

Lorena underwent trial for the crime committed and invoked insanity as a defense because of the domestic abuse she endured with her husband.But the sympathy of the jury went with her.  She was later on acquitted due to temporary insanity.  She was however ordered to go under psychiatric evaluation for 45 days and was released thereafter.

  1. JEFFREY DAHMER (1991)

Jeffrey was a notorious serial killer and sex offender with a long list of offenses involving sex, cannibalism, necrophilia, and dismemberment.  His behavior can be attributed with his weird activities of his childhood.  Criminal instinct was seen as of his early years.  Since he was a child, he had shown symptoms of withdrawal and avoidance of any social interactions.  He would collect dead animals, then dissect, dissolve, or mutilate them in various ways.

He committed the first murder in 1978 when he bludgeoned to death a hitchhiker named Steven Hicks because the latter wanted to leave.  Jeff was forced to kill him because he doesn’t want him to leave.  At this instance, it can be inferred that Jeff was a homosexual.

In September 1978, he picked up Steven Tuomi at a gay bar and killed him out of impulse, claiming no memory of event later in trial.  In 1988, he was also arrested for giving drugs and sexual fondling a 13 year old boy, Somsack Sinthasomphone.  As a registered sex offender, he would then proceed to commit 15 more murders, storing the corpses in vats.  It was said that he would sometimes cut off the genitalia of his male victims, make a sandwich out of it, and eat it in public.  Dahmer kept trophies of his victims such as human skulls and genitalia in the closet and “saving” biceps and the human heart in the freezer for later consumption.  This happened up to the year 1991 when Tracy Edwarts, a would-be victim overpowered Dahmer, ran through the streets and waved for the police car.

In the trial, Dahmer pled not guilty by reason of insanity.  The plea was subsequently rejected and Dahmer was convicted of all 15 murder charges and sentenced to 15 consecutive life sentences.  The case was seen by many as the death of the insanity plea.  They contended that if a deranged criminal like Dahmer is rejected on the insanity plea, then no other criminal would qualify for the defense.

  1. JOHN WAYNE GACY (1970, Chicago)

Gacy was a prolific serial killer in the 1970s in the US.  He gained notoriety as the Killer Clown for dressing up as “Pogo the Clown” and performing at parties and events.  He later raped and killed 33 young boys and men in Chicago.  But the number could have gotten higher if all his killings were well accounted for.  He claimed that he lost count of how many of his victims he had buried in a crawl space which he dug, and had thrown 5 of them into the Des Plaines River because it had run out of room.  The discovery of his murders and subsequent arrest shook the community as he was known for his active involvement with local projects and his volunteer work as the said clown, even meeting the First Lady Rosalynn Carter who personally thanked him for his efforts.  Many of his victims were lured into his home and then murdered by means of asphyxiation by a tourniquet, not strangulation.  This meant that they were cut off from most, but not all of the oxygen supply; resulting in the victims convulsing for an hour or two before the eventual death.

He pled not guilty by reason of insanity, and was able to produce psychiatric experts who would testify for his case.  This was rejected by the prosecution team due to the extensive measures Gacy took in avoiding detection, including ordering his own construction company’s employees to dig the crawl space which he claimed to be a drainage trench.  Also, his defense team actually attempted to argue that all of the 33 murders were due to accidental erotic asphyxiation, a claim which was quickly refuted by the county coroner.

Gacy was found guilty of each murder and was sentenced to death by lethal injection.

  1. ED GEIN (1957, Wisconsin)

“They smelled too bad,” was a quote from Ed who claimed that he would never have intercourse with any of the dead bodies he dug out of their graves.  What he did take interest in however, was skinning the corpses and wearing them.

On other occasions, he would collect various body parts and using them as decorative items at his homestead in Wisconsin.  For example a suit made of human skin, a belt made out of female nipples, a lampshade made out of a human face, a refrigerator filled with human organs, vulvas in a shoebox, and many others including noses, skulls, heads, and a pair of lips on a drawstring.  This grave robber was perversely fascinated with the deceased mother and the intimacy of female body parts.

In 1957, he was arrested and tried for the murder of Bernice Worden, although he confessed to killing at least two others but was not charged due to cost issues according to the judges in his case.

Gein pleaded not guilty under reason of insanity and was deemed legally insane.

After a 11 year stint in the hospital for the criminally insane, he was tried in 1968 and was found guilty of first degree murder.  Gein served a life sentence in a mental hospital until his death.

 

Creepy isn’t it?  Out of the ten (10) how many do you think were really insane and how many were just pretending in order to evade imprisonment?

But what should bother us the most is the uncertainty that the man sitting beside us on the train, the man who handed us the morning newspaper, or the barista who handed us our brewed coffee before heading to the office could be a dangerous lunatic out in the open…undetected.

Sources:    Article 12, Revised Penal Code

                   Article 3, Revised Penal Code

                   listverse.com (10 Most Notorious Insanity Defense Cases)

Photo credit: http://www.crimeindelhi.com

Voodoos and Potions (Second Part)

magic-potion-alexander-butler

Manag Bella 

In a phone-patched interview, we were able to get hold of Manang Bella, a known manghihilot (quack doctor) in their community.  For purposes of privacy, she declined that her name be broadcasted or published.

She explained that her skill was inherited and passed on to her by her ancestors.  At the start of the interview she insisted that what she has is from the “good” as she uses her skill to help those who suffered from black magic, (although at the latter part of the interview she revealed that she sometimes gives love potions to a select few).

In the Philippines she explained that there are three (3) types of manggagamot: the elementary (pertaining to those with basic knowledge); the high school (a better version of the first); and the college or the babaylan.  The babaylans are said to be the most skilled among the three and the most feared.  She belongs to the third group.

Although the babaylans are the feared among the rest, still they fear one leader who they acknowledged as the most powerful among them (I omitted to state the province where the so-called “leader” could be found to avoid discrimination among the locals).  She further stated that a cruse or kulam given by a babaylan can only be reverted by the said leader.  But once a cure or kulam is given by the leader, none among them can heal or revert it back.

Manang Bella asseverated that a higher percentage of those who seek her help to be cured by a kulam, was caused by jealousy or love rivalry.  Yes, some of the victims were adulterers but no case for their infidelity was filed in court as far as those victims were concern.

At that juncture I asked her, do you think that justice can be attained through black magic?

She answered in the negative.  According to her she believes in the rule of karma.  Her duty now is to heal the victims or, in some rare instances, give karma to the perpetrator.  Whatever that means, I no longer bothered to ask.

Kuya Ching

This 60 year old man was able to finished Theology, teaches in school, and thereafter was employed in a law firm for 25 years.  His story was a bit different from Manang Bella.

He shared that his grandfather was a known mangkukulam in their province while his mother was a mangbabarang.  Because of his ancestors’ skills, certain skills were likewise passed on to him.

Yes, he can read your future by just staring at your palm.  He can see certain “beings” not available in the naked eye.  He can tell what lies ahead of you by just staring at you for a minute.  To a certain extent, he could have practiced black magic if he wanted to.

But he declined.  He refused.

For him there is no thin line between the practitioners.  They are all black magic.  As much as possible he tried not to use whatever skill he has.

He gave me as an example the case of Moses.  He said that what transpired during that ancient time was a clash between miracle and black magic on the other hand.

The pharos’ sorcerers transformed their wands into snakes ─that is black magic.  Then Moses prayed, lifted his wooden cane and it was transformed into a serpent which devoured the sorcerers’ snakes ─that is what you call miracle.

I asked him if he believes that somehow justice can be attained by using black magic and potions against the wrongdoer.  Let’s say, for example, the philandering husband who abused his wife suddenly dumped her and went to live with his mistress.  Instead of filing an appropriate case against the husband, the poor wife resorted to kulam since the result is express compared to the tedious and stressful process of litigation.  He answered in the negative.  There is no justice in black magic.  Evil cannot be defeated by another evil.   

…to be continued

Photo credit:

Alexander Butler (fineartamerica.com)

Voodoos And Potions (First Part)

magic-potion-alexander-butler

Allow me to explain the justice system we have here in the Philippines in hindsight.

We bring whatever injustices before the court of law and have the culprit answerable, though most of the time in pathetic vein.  It is a long and tedious process that, most often than not, the complainants loose interest along the way and never bother to appear anymore before the courts.  As a consequence, the non-appearance of the complaining party leads to the dismissal of the cases.  Nonetheless, that is the procedure without any alternative.  Anything that comes short from the given procedure suffers dismissal of their cases thru technicalities.  For the vast unfortunates, sometimes the much awaited justice comes down the drain and the culprit walks out as a free man and unblemished.

But some chose to resort to a more morbid kind of retribution based on ancient practice of witchcraft, back magic, voodoos and potions under the principle of “an eye for an eye; a tooth for a tooth”.

This article is not intended to promote or encourage the practice but rather to give the readers insight on the unusual, and admittedly creepy, alternative that has been in existence since time immemorial.  The Old Testament of the Bible tackles boldly its existence; the New Testament thereof preaches its condemnation and speaks out how Jesus and His apostles discouraged black magic as one coming from the devil.

The birth of this strange alternative remains unknown.  What is clear is that it rises as the laws of the land even before civilization come into existence.  Yet the recognition of its practice in our society remains in a distinctively secretive and low level.

And then there are the desperate few who resort to a yet another breed of alternative: potion.  If you can’t have him, poison him.  We read about it in books, have this as plots in movies, the favorite topic among the rumormongers.  Yet a piece among us is dying to know how potions work.

Witchcraft; voodoos; spells; and potions: are they really from the devil or just another breed of alternative medicine?  Is performing these practices against the unsuspecting oppressors can be called a rare form of retribution for the attainment of justice?  How come ever since it came into existence such skill never received recognition both in society and the church?

Origin

In the Old Testament, witchcraft is being referred to as sorcery and was associated with heresy and apostasy and to be viewed as evil.  As a matter of fact, this practice is being condemned in Galatians 5:20.

The condemnation in the practice was again repeated in the New Testament as found in Revelations 21:8; 22:15 and Acts 8:9; 13:6.

Even Islam condemns such practice.  The best known reference to magic in Islam is the Surah Al-Falaq (meaning dawn or daybreak), which is known as a prayer to Allah to ward off black magic.

Say: I seek refuge with the Lord of the Dawn From the mischief of created things; From the mischief of Darkness as it overspreads; From the mischief of those who practise secret arts; And from the mischief of the envious one as he practises envy. (Quran 113:1–5)

Also according to the Quran:

And they follow that which the devils falsely related against the kingdom of Solomon. Solomon disbelieved not; but the devils disbelieved, teaching mankind sorcery and that which was revealed to the two angels in Babel, Harut and Marut … And surely they do know that he who trafficketh therein will have no (happy) portion in the Hereafter; and surely evil is the price for which they sell their souls, if they but knew. (al-Qur’an 2:102)

But before the Church or any religion condemns the practice, what prompted for the few to perform witchcraft?

During the primitive time, people believed that sickness and diseases were caused by bad spirits, curse or spells and to relieve the sickness or disease the bad spirits must be driven away, the curse or spell must be neutralized thru rituals and incantations.

In the same manner, those rituals and incantations can also be used to make people suffer from sickness and diseases.

At that time, it was the learned women who can make the alternative medicines and help cure the sickness.  These learned women likewise functioned as midwives and assist in child birth.  The word “witch” is actually derived from the word “wicca” which means “wise one”.

However, during the spread of Christianity across Europe, the clergy were not happy at all with the thought of these learned women helping to cure the sick and the ill.  This thought runs counter during that time that healing must be done by the men and women were expected to play insignificant roles in the society.  As far as the church was concerned, all healing should be done strictly through men in the church.

Also at that time, it was the utter belief that if a person was sick or ill it was God’s punishment for some sin committed and the suffering that came from it was just something that must be dealt with by the afflicted person.  Soon thereafter, the healers (learned women) were accused of heresy, sorcery, paganism and devil worship because their practice contradicts the beliefs of the majority in the church.

Start of the Underground

Because of the protest of the church against such practice, the healers were drove further into hiding while some chose to live quietly in remote peasant villages.  By the late 1400’s the church sowed fear among the people that led to hysteria.  The healers were soon enough branded and were associated with the devil.  Those who were practicing and accused of witchcraft were executed publicly in hideous and gruesome ways as a form of punishment.

Contrariwise, the banishment of the witches had actually little to do with the forbidden practice but more on inculcating fear, conformity and obedience of the general public.  The truth, according to some source, is that the powerful religious men didn’t really like the idea of a strong woman having any kind of intelligence or aptitude in the community.  It was said that the Church leaders were somewhat intimidated by these talented women and it may have been easiest to just eliminate the problem, emphasizing that the church was against black magic and evil, not medicine.

Why Women As Witches?

As discussed above, the discrimination between sexes was prevalent during the pre-Christian period.  The usual know-how of curing illness thru natural method was viewed before as witchcraft specially if practiced by a woman.

Society at that time was not inclined to accept contributions of women in any aspect —even if it will be beneficial to the society as a whole.

In the book of Linda C. Hults of “The Witch as Muse —Art, Gender, and Power in Early Modern Europe”, the author mentioned that the discourses and practices surrounding the persecution of witches were linked to men’s efforts to gain power and status which were informed by contemporary masculinity.  She further stated that the social forces that came into play as witches were accused, tried and executed were informed by gender at every level (the village, the local court, the state).  According to her, the psychological and social impact of this extraordinary negative female stereotype, although difficult to isolate, was surely enormous.

Note however that while most of the accused witches were female, many of their accusers, including those who confessed guilt, were also women.

The witch-hunt in Europe during the 1600s proved that even innocent women were brutally killed by the mere baseless accusations of other jealous or envious women who cultivated grudge against them.  Sad to say, the hunt was used as leverage by resentful and spiteful women as vindication against other women.

In 1992, Christian Day tried to explain the origin of why more women were linked to witchcraft compared to men.  In his article entitled “The Vulnerability of Women to Witchcraft Accusations”, Day wrote the following:

“In the earliest European societies, dating back prior to four thousand B.C.E., people were grouped into tribes. Life was organized around survival. A male’s ability to hunt was integral to the societal system, but far more important was the power of women to give birth, thereby sustaining the continuity of the tribe. Women were also the healers of these early European societies. It was primarily the women who tended to the physical, mental, and spiritual needs of their people. Often, women were the religious leaders of their tribes, guiding people through the different stages of their lives. The diverse abilities of women were thought to be sacred. These sacred female powers became personified into the figure of a goddess, a deity thought to be the mother of all life. It has been established by scholars that a goddess was probably Europe’s primary deity until as recently as three thousand B.C.E. 

“With the beginnings of the warrior classes that arose circa four thousand B.C.E. in Europe and the Middle East, a new ethic regarding women began to take shape. The diverse roles of women became limited to a few. The family line was converted, region by region, from a matrilineal to a patrilineal one. This was done because it made sense to the establishment of the time that the wealth amassed by male warriors should be passed on to future warriors: their sons. To keep pure a patriarchal blood line, women had to be controlled by their husbands in order to prevent extramarital sex, thereby inventing the concept of sexual monogamy. A wife’s infidelity would threaten the legitimacy of a son’s paternity, now so important to a society increasingly focused on war, wealth, and inheritance. 

“Myths were written and rewritten to explain women’s basic nature as inherently evil. In the Western civilization this is most explicit in the story of Adam and Eve. Layered over far older Middle Eastern legends, in which Eve appears before Adam, the newer myth portrays Eve as born from Adam’s rib; consequently, she is subject to him. Even more sexist is the idea that because of Eve’s surrender to the temptation of the serpent, she is somehow responsible for all evil in the world; that “The pangs of childbirth and the subjection of women to man are among the penalties for. . .[her] crime”. According to one witch hunter’s guidebook, “. . . the [biblical] scriptures have much that is evil to say about women, and this is because of the first temptress; Eve, and her imitators”. The serpent was certainly a powerful symbol in stories about the fall, and in some of the paintings of this event, including Michelangelo’s within the Sistine Chapel, the face of the serpent is female”.

How Does One Acquire The Knowledge or Skill

Unfortunately, there is none which boldly speaks of how one acquires the knowledge or skill.  In Philippine folklore, the skill is believed to be inherited from a dying relative who practices the skill otherwise known as black magic.  When refused by a relative or nearest of kin, the skill was passed to another thru “lipad-hangin”; only then the mangkukulam or mambabarang dies peacefully.

Other information led to the belief that organizations, religions or even reading materials teach tricks and spells and even potions.

Lest it be forgotten, the practice was originally viewed as alternative healing practice until the persecution came and the practitioners chose to live underground or in discrete so as to evade punishment.

To be continued….

Sources:

Wikipedia.com

The Holy Bible

halloweenexpress.com

The Witch as Muse – Art, Gender , and Power in Early Modern Europe

(Philadelphia: University of Pennsylvania Press, 2005), by Linda C. Hults

The Vulnerability of Women to Witchcraft Accusations by Christian Day (1992)

Photo credit:

Alexander Butler (fineartamerica.com)

Sampol Ng ASTIG Na DISCLAIMER

Ako ay isang manunulat.  PERIOD.  Lumilikha ako ng samu’t saring kwento gamit ang aking imahinasyon at pandama.  Pinupulot ko ang mga katha tuwing umuulan, bilog ang buwan, sa loob ng jeepney, habang nagkakape sa Sulo Hotel, nakikipag kwentuhan sa Pan Pacific, sa labas ng simbahan o habang kumakain sa loob ng Jollibee.  Nagmamasid ako sa paligid at doon ko hinahabi ang kwentong nais kong isulat.  Labas dito ang personal kong buhay.  Isa akong pribadong tao at di ko balak magpakilala sa iyo.  PERIOD.  Masaya na akong nakikilala mo lamang ako sa pagkakilanlang iniwan ko sa iyo. 

Kung sakaling nahahalintulad sa tunay na pangyayari ang mga nasusulat dito, well, feeling mo lang yon. 

Pero salamat na rin at nadama mo ang panulat ko.  Salamat dahil napa-ibig kita sa mga kuwento ko.  Salamat at natakot ka sa mga babala ko.  Salamat at napaluha kita at kung minsan ay napatawa na rin.  Salamat at nagselos ka at nakadama na rin ng galit.  Ito ay patunay na isa nga akong manunulat.  Ito ang tunay na layunin ko: ang kumiliti ng iyong nahihimpil na imahinasyon.

Oo nga pala.  Mukhang na-misinterpret mo ang mga panulat ko at inakalang ang lablab posts ko ay para sa kanya.  Hayan, tinira mo ako nang husto sa blog site mo at nilinaw na ayaw mo “kuno” sa akin at wag na wag akong makikipag close sa iyo.  Haler!!!  Para namang ang laki ng inambag mo sa lipunan at parang kung magugustuhan mo ako ay aangat ang ekonomiya ng Pilipinas (sira ulo ka ba).

Ang mga posts ko ay produkto ng malikot kong imahinasyon at mapanuring kaisipan.  Hindi ito para sa kanya, excuse me.  Ano ako, bale?  Libre, ganun?  Ipo-post mo pa kung saan-saan ang pagkakilanlan ko at i-a-add sa facebook para gawing laughing stock ng audience mo.  Na-wrong number ka dito, teh.  Baka ibang blogger ang hinahanap mo, although pwedeng kasing ganda’t seksi ko, malamang hindi kasing lakas ng sex appeal ko ang kumag na yan.  At dahil dyan, MANGINIG KA NA.  Una ay wala akong pakialam sa buhay mo.  Pangalawa, di tayo lebel (alam mo ang ibig kong sabihin).  Pangatlo, di ko kayo kilala so in other words, YOU don’t exist to me.  Takot ka?  Good.

p.s.  Madali akong maghanap ng address para mapadalhan ang kaaway ng subpoena.  Gusto mo i-try?

p.s.s. Takot ka pa rin?  Sampol lang yan.  Di yan totoo.  Pero pwedeng gamitin as reference in the future, hihihihi.TONGUE

Dear Ex

 

Dear Ex

 

Ang ganda ko na ngayon. 

Long hair na ako at laging bagong rebond.  Kulay red na rin ang buhok ko.  Di gaya nung dati na maitim siya at wavey.    Wala na siyang lisa at amoy Palmolive na —yung kulay pink ha.  Wala na rin siyang split ends.  Expensive na siya ngayon tingnan.

Maputi na rin ako.  Pinag-ipunan ko talaga ang bote ng glutathione.  Nilalaklak ko siya na parang mani lang.  At wala akong pakialam kahit tamaan pa ang atay ko basta pumuti lang ako (kasi alam kong mahilig ka sa mga chicks na maputi).

Ang sexy ko na rin ngayon.  May b**bs na ako.  Nagsale kasi yung derma sa kanto.  Nilagyan nila ng gelatin kaya umaalog-alog.  Next pay day ilong naman ang pag-iipunan ko.  Oo, marami na akong pera at buti nga sa’yo kasi di kita pauutangin kahit gumiling ka pa sa harap ko.  Di mo na ako maaakit.  Madami na akong boys at kabilang dun yung poging Hapon na regular sa club.  Ako kaya ang peborit nun.

Wala na rin yung mga balahibo ko sa hita at kilikili.  Pina-ahit ko na ng bonggang bongga.  Maglaway ka ngayon pero di mo madidilaan ito. 

Mabango na rin ako ngayon.  Nag shift na ako from Charmis.  Imforted na ang pabango ko.  Yung buy 1 take 1 sa 168, third floor sa gilid ng elevator malapit sa food court.  Susyal na ako at marunong na ako mag inglesh (“Did you walk or did you run?  Of course, did you walk!”)

Ang ganda na ng balakang ko ngayon.  Gumana na sa wakas ang ilang taong pag-inom ko ng Diane.  Sayang, magugustuhan mo ang bago kong hubog mamatay man ang ka-live in mo ngayon.  Pero manigas ka dahil hindi na talaga kita papatulan.  Iniinggit na lang kita.

Makinis na rin ang mukha ko.  Wala na yung mga uka na nilalagyan mo pa ng langgam na pula kapag natutulog ako.  Mahihiya ka na tumabi sa akin.

Ex, namimiss naman kita impeyrnes.  Pero iba na ngayon ang taste ko at ayaw ko na sa amoy araw.  Sensitive na kasi ang pang-amoy ko pati na rin ang skin ko lalo na sa mga mukhang kabayo.  Sayang, kung boypren pa kita malamang pinagawan na kita ng pustiso para hindi ka na nila lolokohing kabayo at ako ang kutsero.

Ex, nag move on na rin ako.  Okay lang kung pinagpalit mo ako kay Duday.  Balita ko kasi ay losyang na siya at apat na ang sus*.  Buti nga sa’yo.

 

 Ang nakadila ngayon,

 BOGART. 

 

P.S.

Oo nga pala.  Kung hahanapin mo ako sa Kulasisi, just look for Kim.  That’s my new name.

 

 

blackMAGIC

 

“dahan-dahan, hinay hinay

ang mga paghiling gawing malumanay

upang ito’y di sumablay

at tuluyang mawalang saysay”

 

isang kumpas, bulong na matikas

naglalarong diwa

sa (mga) matang nakabukas

 

magmasid, mag-isip

damhin ng paunti-unti

ang matikas nga bang bulong

ang siya ring patibong?

 

magmasid, mag-isip

damhin ng paunti-unti

o baka ang siyang binubulong

ang takda sa guhit ng poon?

 

isa…

                nariyan na siya

dalawa…

                ako’y nangangapa

tatlo…

                ako’y tulungan mo

 

sambitin ang hiling

–hiling na kinikimkim

at hayaang maganap

ang takda sa magkadugsong na palad

 

“dahan-dahan, hinay hinay

ang paghiling gawing malumanay

upang ito’y di sumablay

at tuluyang mawalang saysay”

 

Writer’s Note: ang naka-slant na mga linya ay gawa at pag-aari ni 25pesocupnoodles

 

p.s. mainam na pakinggan rin ang mensahe ng kanta sa video

p.s.s. minsan ay may dalang mensahe ang bawat kumpas at pilantik

p.s.s.s. masarap magsolve ng riddle, kung nasaan ay malay ko

 

 

BREAKING THE ‘BRO CODE’

Image

So, we girls honestly believe that they are entirely different species from the Planet Goo-goo.  We simply cannot understand them.  They speak a different language.  And we truly hate them for they are the epitome of grossness.  They invented unspoken and unwritten rules that make boogers edible and you will never pass adolescence unless you eat Colgate during recess breaks.  But despite the odds, we adore them.  And whether we admit it or not, they became the favorite object of our curiosity and wonder how they play their game and if this game is just the same as ours.

What we are truly not aware of, men had laid down their version of Constitution where rules are properly set according to their own terms.  They call it the “Bro Code” or the rules that they need to know and follow in order to become one of the big boys.

Girls, don’t fret.

These hot bachelors in town are finally breaking and revealing the Rules to yours truly.  You may check the list below in your own liking and savage the little infos that might be playing in the mind of your boyfriends or target-of-interest.  This time, I’m not playing selfish.  Savage, girls, for I am willing to share for the first time.

Enjoy.

1.      Never date a bro’s ex.

2.      The “Dibs” Rule.  When a bro declares that he likes a girl, the girl becomes off limits to the rest of the group.

3.      Men are visual, women are aural.  That’s why women wear make-up and men lie.

4.      Never date your bro’s younger sister.

5.      Never go to a bar without a wing man (ex. the wing man is the one who approaches the girl whom a bro is interested then the wing man introduces the girl to the bro).

6.      It is not about the age.  It is about love.

7.      Bros hate Indian givers (ex in particular) or those who would take back things which they have already given to their boyfriends after a heated argument.  And for that same reason, bros must not be Indian givers as well.

8.      Bros hate naggers.  When their girlfriends start nagging, they also start feeling that they are sleeping with their moms.

9.      A bro’s pride is as expensive as a woman’s virginity.

10.    When you arrive unexpectedly and there is a drinking spree going on which you are apparently not invited, be polite to take a shot when offered but that should also be the last.  Respect the fact that you are not part of the group.  Show some courtesy.

11.    When your bro’s girlfriend starts asking about your friend’s whereabouts, never divulge anything.

12.    Always sell a bro in front of his target girl.  Don’t make him look bad.

13.    Never divulge the sacred Bro Code to a girl unless she proves her worth.

14.    Never give a detail when describing a sexual encounter.

15.    Don’t call a bro by his last name.

16.    Bros over hoes.

17.    Bros don’t tickle a bro.

18.    A bro’s car is off-limits to pranks.

19.    Never make an eye contact to a bro when eating a banana.

20.    Observe “bro confidentiality”.  ALWAYS.

21.    Pay for your dates.

22.    Don’t ruin a bro’s chance of scoring.

23.    Never date a bro’s mom.

24.    Bros don’t cry.

25.    Never share dessert.

26.    Always tell a bro if his girl is cheating on him.

27.    Bros don’t use straw in their drinks.

28.    There is no hard and fast rule that prohibits a girl from being a “bro”.

Now the question is: do these boys consider me as a “bro” by revealing their code to me?  I guess they see me harmless.

Wrong move.

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Writer’s Note:    The male respondents are Filipinos.  This explains why some of the answers given were distinct from that of the other versions.  Rather, they are patterned after our customs and traditions.

photo credit: (for the breaking glass) http://www.dreamstime.com/royalty-free-stock-photo-breaking-glass-image14054525

EAT MY CAKE! (The Friends With Benefits Relationship)

I am forced to do a reblog on this article in preparation for the new one I am working with since they are intertwined and somewhat related. For the mean time, enjoy the cake!

thelovelybiatch

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You stared at your window one lonely rainy night and wonder what you did to deserve being alone when the rest of the population enjoys life to the fullest.  The entire room was dark and brutally quiet except for the notorious tapping of the rain at the window pane.

It could have been better but his rubbish all time favorite it’s-not-you-but-it’s-me excuse said it all coupled with other comforting words he could muster in order to avoid busting your chops.  And all his kind and comforting words boil down to one evident truth: he is finally dumping you and will never come back again. The once promising future instantly slips away from your grasp in just one night.  Thanks to loyalty; thanks to fidelity; thanks to love and thanks to commitment he is now gone and you’re on your own.

And your brief struggle to keep yourself as composed as possible finally gave…

View original post 2,021 more words

Hayop

Naalala ko ang preaching ng Sr. Pastor namin sa simbahan.  Ang sabi niya,  “Ang taong likas na mabuti ay mabuti rin sa hayop.  Paano ka magiging mabuting tao kung sa isang uri nga ng buhay na mas mababa sa iyo ay di mo magawang maging mabuti?”

Tapos biglang tinapakan ni bitch sister ang paa ko sabay bulong sa akin, “P@ksy#t...ako ata pinariringgan ni pastor a!  Kulang na lang sabihing sa impyerno ako pupunta pag natigok ako”.

Dugsong pa ng Sr. Pastor, “The profile of serial killers include being rude to animals.  They enjoy torturing them before killing them…”

This time, tinadyakan na ako ni bitch sister.  “Ikaw na ‘yan.  Serial killer daw e.  Ikaw na talaga yon!” 

“Wag kang mag-alala,” kampanteng sagot ko sa kanya.  “Ikaw unang papatayin ko pagkatapos ng service.  Huhugutin ko bituka mo at isasabit ko sa gate.”

Effective.  Pramis.  For the first time, tumahimik din ang bruha at natapos namin ang service ng di na ako iniistorbo.

I don’t believe that being kind to animals will get you to heaven.  But I subscribed to the belief that being kind to them is a manifestation of man’s love for God.  I never bother to buy expensive cats and dogs worth thousands of pesos which will require me to keep up with their obligatory high maintenance lifestyle.

Instead, I adopt stray cats and dogs.  They are the ones who need the warmth of my home and there was this strange feeling that I am somewhat obliged to feed and take care of them.  As a matter of fact, I am scared of seeing stray animals wandering in the streets for fear that they might be hit by speeding vehicles.  I have witnessed this scene several times and damn, it haunted me day and night for the nth time than I could recall.

Oo, maawain nga ako sa hayop.  Pero di sa tao.  Parang noong dati, nakarinig na lang ako ng malakas na ngiyaw ng alaga kong pusa.  Syempre, takbo ako at to the rescue.  Nadatnan kong di mautal sa katatawa sa gilid ng kusina sina bitch sister at bitch cousin habang may hawak silang takuri na umuusok-usok pa.  Nanggagalaiti ako sa galit at tinanong anong ginawa nila sa pusa ko.  Di naman nila ako sinagot.  Gusto daw kasi nila i-test kung totoong anim ang buhay ng pusa.  Wag daw akong OA at konting patak lang naman daw.

Ah, oo.  Mababait na mga babae talaga sila.  Sa sobrang bait sana kunin na sila ni Lord.

Di pa natapos dun.  Pursigido talaga ang mga bruha sa experiment nila.  Nang marinig ko ang palayaw ng mingming ko isang umaga, tatakbo na naman ako sa likod ng bahay at saktong nadatnan na naman sina bitch sister at bitch cousin na wina-washing machine si mingming!  “Hoy!  Mga h@%8p kayo!”  Sabay patay ng washing machine at kuha sa mingming ko na mabilis naman tumalon papalayo sa sobrang takot.

Sinita ko ang dalawang bruha na tuwang-tuwa sa accomplishment nila.  Wag na daw ako magalit.  Tinutulungan lang daw nila akong paliguan si mingming ko.  Pasalamat pa nga daw ako at nag-ambagan pa silang dalawa para bumili ng Downy.  Mas mabango na tuloy ngayon ang alaga ko.  Nang pagalitan ko sila, dito na nila ako siningil.  Reimburse ko daw sila sa pinambili nila ng Tide at Downy.  Balato na daw nila sa akin ang time and effort na ginawa nila sa paglalaba pagpapaligong ginawa nila sa pusa ko.

Tapos noong isang araw naman ng Sabado nasalubong ko si bitch sister palabas ng gate at may dalang sako.  Nanigas siya nang makita ako kaya tinanong ko kung ano ang laman ng sako.  Biglang ngumisi ang bruha.  Basura daw sa kwarto niya.  Itatapon lang daw niya sa Phase 2.  Kako, “Bakit sa phase 2 mo pa itatapon?  Ang layo kaya nun.”  Sinagot lang ako ng bruha na para daw siguradong di na niya makikita ang basura.  Ang kaso, biglang gumalaw ang sako.  Nang hablutin ko nakita ko ang tatlong kuting ko.

Tiningnan ko siya ng masama at magsasalita na sana nang biglang ngumisi ang bruha sabay sigaw, SURPRISE!”

Wala.  Wala na talaga silang pag-asa.  Ang dami pa nilang ginawa sa mga alagang aso’t pusa ko.  Pero tuwing sinusumbong ko ang mga ito ay lagi naman nilang depensa na animal lovers daw sila.  Extreme lang daw sila minsan makipag laro sa mga ito.

Pero sabi nga nila, what goes around comes around.  Eto na ngayon ang kwento:

Niregaluhan si bitch sister ng fiancé niya ng alagang tuta.  Yung alanganing askal alanganing may lahi (hmmm…sige na nga, askal talaga tawag dun).  Maliit lang yung tuta, cute sana kaya lang mukhang matamlay.  May sakit na rin.  Pero nakita ko kung paano inalagaan ni bitch sister ang tuta.  Yun nga lang, parang lumalala ang sakit habang tumatagal.  Nagiging matamlay na yung tuta at dumarami pa ang garapata.  Yung tipong mas maraming garapata na kesa sa balat.  Yucky na talaga.  Parang di effective yung resetang gamot ng beterinaryo.  Pero mahal na mahal pa rin ni bitch sister iyon.  Araw-araw, oras-oras kinukutuhan, inaalagaan, ginagamot at laging nililinis kasi umaasa siyang tatagal pa ang buhay ng tuta.  Sa isip-isip ko, bibilang na lang ako ng araw at matitigok na rin iyon.

Eto ngayon si mother (bawal tawaging bitch).  Matagal na siyang nag-iinit sa tuta.  Kadiri na daw talaga.  Nakakasuka.  Isang araw ay maagang pumasok si bitch sister sa opisina.  Dali-daling nilagay ni mother (oops! bawal tawaging bitch) sa karton ang tuta at pinadala sa plantsadora namin at may mahigpit na bilin, “Whatever you see, whatever you hear, when you leave, you leave it here!”  Pagkatapos ay tinext niya si bitch sister:

“I’m really sorry.  Patay na si puppy mo.  Nilibing na rin namin.  Wag ka ng mag-alala.  Ituturo na lang namin mamaya ang pinaglibingan sa iyo pag-uwi mo para madalaw mo.  Nakakaawa naman siya talaga.  Buti tapos na paghihirap niya.  God is really good.”

Mangiyak-ngiyak si artistang bruhang sister pagdating niya.  Nilagyan pa ng bulaklak ng gumamela ang spot kung saan “daw” nakalibing si puppy niya.  Habang mega emote si bitch sister, naninigas naman sa isang sulok si mother (bawal uli tawaging bitch).  Mahirap na ata mabuko kay bitch sister, ibang klase pa naman yun kung maghumirintado.

Nang mapansin ko ito, napangiti ako at tinanong si mother (bawal talagang tawaging bitch). “Ma, any parting words for the deceased?  Any last word?”

“A….e….m-may h-he rest in peace.  God is really good.”

Wala lang.  Kwentong kahayupan lang.  Di naman siguro mahalaga ano ang preference mo sa alaga or kung totally ay di mo sila trip.  Konting malasakit lang.  Yung tipong kung di mo kayang mag-alaga or mag-ampon, at least malasakit meron.  Malaking bagay na iyon.  Pramis, malayo na ang mararating ng konting malasakit mo para sa kanila.

DISCLAIMER:

Hindi akin ang video.  Credito para sa uploader at mga bumubuo ng docu na makikita sa link.

Writer’s Note:  Buhay pa rin si puppy ni bitch sister hanggang ngayon.  Isa na siyang ganap na doggie.  At balita ko, mas mataba pa siya sa alagang aso sa bahay.  Pero balak ko siyang dalhin sa wedding ni bitch sister at ilantad na iyon ang yumaong puppy na binigay sa kanya ni fiancé.  Wala lang.  Pambasag trip lang sa wedding.

NB:  Believe me, no animal cruelty was made.  There were, however, exaggerations in the story which the writer purposely made either symbolic or part of a particular event or fact that she wished to stress.

Witches

I believe in witches.  They’ll haunt you down in your dreams and make you scream.  They can make men blind and be submissive at their beck and call under a wicked spell.  They make their opponents appear ugly.  Never mess up with these strange women or else you will be sorry.  They will make you pay.  And believe me, you will pay hard and dirty.

But most of all, they can make you fall in love.

I met them.  Not only one, but a bunch of them.  Oddly, in law school.  And they became deadly teachers.  Now who says that law school is built only for the incorrigible filth who would someday rule the legal system?

Pretty wicked.  Nasty witches.  Mean girls.  And I love them.

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Tawag namin sa kanya “mother earth”. Lahat ng kalokohan sa kanya nag-ooriginate.

Meet CL; the dreamer in the group.  But for the majority, she is the seducer.  She knows what she wants at the first instance and will do anything to get it.  Determination put her where she is right now.  A queen; that’s what she really is.  She has been a real ate to me who taught me dirty tricks from A to Z.  Some even say that we’re like real sisters because of the apparent resemblance, physically and mannerism alike.

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Eto yung sample ng ginawa nila. Sayang walang kandilang itim para kumpleto sa get-up. Mabilis kasi nila nai-dispose ang ebidensya.

But hell hath no fury like a woman scorned they say.  And the pathetic target of her vengeance: a male PWD; a real @$$hole who could not define the word “respect” on women and fond of using his disability to get even with the opposite sex.  One night, CL and the rest of the gang surreptitiously slipped in PWD’s dorm and scattered cooking oil at the latter’s doorstep.  Not contended, she brought with her a headless doll, dripped it in ketchup and lighted a black candle which she placed right at the center of the floor.  That morning, it was PWD who first came out and upon seeing the ghastly figure, screamed to death.  Only that he slipped on the floor and hurt himself; thanks to the cooking oil stolen from the school canteen.  The next thing we knew, CL and the rest of the gang were called at the Dean’s Office, expecting a suspension.

I don’t know how she did it but she walked away from the Dean’s Office without any verdict as she winks at me, “Kaya mo yon?”

Now CL belongs to an elite group who arranges parties for the Queen of England.  Apparently without a headless doll this time.

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Magaling yan sa stunts, pramis.

Now this is Irene; our choreographer.  She can spot a real target and set a time frame to get the attention of her crush.  She left me one important rule to remember: the best way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.  And so she said, “Watch me”.

She sported an alluring confidence as she walked to the library, making boys’ heads turn.  She stopped right in front of her crush and handed him a tupperware of dinuguan.  She smiled at him and said sweetly, “_______, dinuguan o.  Ako ang nagluto nyan.  Tikman mo.”  Lunch time came and she was a sure hit!  ________ even saved some for his mom so she could taste Irene’s dinuguan.

I asked her in awe, “Ano’ng ingredients mo?”  Instead, she simply brushed her hair and said, “Malay ko sa Goldilocks!”

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Eto yung pinaghirapan niyang dinuguan.

Two days after and I saw her running wildly at the hallway so I asked her, “O bakit?  San punta mo?”

“I need to buy dinuguan at Goldilocks!!!  _______’s mother is asking me to cook one for her again!”

She’s now a lawyer in active practice and married to __________ with three (3) lovely daughters.  I wonder what she cooks for lunch.

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Posing posing lang pag may time.

Finally, here’s Grace: a public defender, a designer and an entrepreneur when she’s away from the legal profession.  With her height, no wonder why she qualified for Mutya Ng Pilipinas before.  At first glance, she could appear sweet and innocent.  But never dare to mess up with her or you will get a dose of your own medicine.

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O sige na nga, kunwari ito yung mga rich girls.

Bullies come in all forms.  Even in law schools.  I would never forget a group of rich girls who thought that money can help them hurdle the bar exam and make them lawyers.  They spotted Grace since they all thought that she was an easy target.  At the ladies comfort room while Grace was inside the cubicle and the girls were applying their make-up, they talked about her loud enough for her to hear.  When she went out, she simply smiled at them but the girls snubbed her completely.

Silently, she walked away, turned off the lights amidst the screaming of the bitches, banged the door and locked them inside.

I don’t have any idea how they managed to come out.

Pretty wicked.  Nasty witches.  Mean girls.  And I love them.

Writer’s note:  I tried what those witches taught me in law school.  I was told to walk gracefully at the library with the gravest instruction to pick the farthest spot (apparently that’s the area where the frat boys were seated).  That morning I was in my skinny jeans and 3 inch stilettos in preparation for the baptism by fire.  As I walked the aisle, I indeed got their attention until I reached the farthest spot near the table of one of the fraternities.  Unfortunately my law book slipped and fell and I screamed in great surprise, in a very, very unladylike behavior

 “AYYY!  P@#*ng malaki!!!”

 Guess what?  One of those frat boys married me.

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CL and Grace. Ewan sino yung naka yellow. Extra ata.

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Grace with the girl in yellow.

DISCLAIMER : I do not own the photos attached as “dinuguan“, “headless doll” and “CR“.