EAT MY CAKE! (The Friends With Benefits Relationship)

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You stared at your window one lonely rainy night and wonder what you did to deserve being alone when the rest of the population enjoys life to the fullest.  The entire room was dark and brutally quiet except for the notorious tapping of the rain at the window pane.

It could have been better but his rubbish all time favorite it’s-not-you-but-it’s-me excuse said it all coupled with other comforting words he could muster in order to avoid busting your chops.  And all his kind and comforting words boil down to one evident truth: he is finally dumping you and will never come back again. The once promising future instantly slips away from your grasp in just one night.  Thanks to loyalty; thanks to fidelity; thanks to love and thanks to commitment he is now gone and you’re on your own.

And your brief struggle to keep yourself as composed as possible finally gave in.  Freaking streaks of tears run down your deep sunken eyes.  You cried hard -perhaps it’s because you need to cry quietly.  Damn!  You are not supposed to be alone in this cold rainy night!

And as you watch the rain that laments with you, your eyes finally caught your phone laying lifelessly on your couch.  Instinct tells you to grab it and dial the familiar number.

“Hi. Are you busy?  Care to drop by tonight in my pad?”

And in a matter of thirty minutes or so, your bed buddy arrives to share a round of lust to make it through the lonely night.

Welcome to the world introduced by the so-called “friends with benefits” affair where you can eat each other’s cake for free, guilt-free, no additives and expiration date may last depending on your own suit.

Many women think that the only way to cope up in this world where everyone is expected to have a partner is to find someone who can fill the void which society has invented.  And in this world where we are expected to be paired, being alone makes us feel uncomfortable, unloved, unwanted and unattractive.

But really, who says we need a partner in order to exist? Devastating as it may sound but there are times that we have to admit that, yes, part of being human is the need of companionship.  And since we find it at times difficult to find an available partner to suit us, we tend to fall in a non-commitment affair otherwise known as ‘friends with benefits’.

Though the common reason laid down by some is the liberation and equality of women with men for allowing themselves to get involved in this quite odd affair, some women exposed their real deep secrets on why they let their bed buddies eat their cake without having any strings attached.

MATERIALISM

Women are naturally born vain.  In our veins run the blood of Eve who was once tempted by the serpent in exchange for something which she doesn’t have.  And since she wanted more, she acceded and allowed herself to be tempted which resulted to her and Adam’s eventual banishment from the Garden of Eden.

Some women thought that by engaging in FWB they can likewise accommodate their vanity along with their sexual urge.  These women, when asked, relayed that they don’t demand their partners (who are obviously legally attached with someone else) to leave their better half and start a new life with them.  No, these women don’t demand for a deeper or even a serious relationship at all.  They are just contended in being handed with their material needs.

The irony of it is that they don’t even regard themselves as mistresses.  They are just the constant bed buddies being given by material things by their partners.  And what is more surprising is that they don’t qualify themselves as prostitutes.  They say they are not available for all hunters.   They just have their buddies who call them once in a while for a little escapade.  Their buddies are the ones who initiate in giving them their vices and, as these women say, who are they not to accept gifts wrapped in golden packages?

VINDICATION

Surprisingly, some women tend to engage in the FWB set-up just to vindicate and take vengeance over their past relationships.  But the truth is engaging oneself into sexual relationship just for the sake of getting even with the bastard who once ruined your life will not cure whatever defect the said bastard had left.  This kind of vindication is no vindication at all since you are only ruining and punishing yourself over something which you yourself have been a victim.  You may dodge successfully for awhile but not for long.  And as one proverb say, “before you begin the journey of revenge, dig two graves.”

BELONGINGNESS

Hopeless romantic as it may sound but we all believe that we are born to be destined with somebody.  That somebody has a name; has a figure; has a nationality; and he has to be that somebody we should meet before we rest in peace!  Unfortunately some of us missed the trail, got lost in the long run, and was unable to find the man destined for us.  Frustration is the usual repercussion we get when we end up finding the wrong guy along the way.

The sense of belongingness is but natural.  It is accompanied by a notion that it is a symbol of beauty.  But often times it puts us in a state of discomfort particularly if we cannot fit in or simply put, when we cannot find the person who will makes us feel needed.  The embodied opinion of the many is that you are a pathetic being if you don’t belong to someone else.  The malevolent dictates often caused us discomfort and gives rise to insecurities.

So in one way or another, we devised a plan to substitute belongingness and evade the mortifying verdict of society.  That’s the reason why some women allow themselves to have their cake eaten and be baptized by the circle of FWB.

At least, these women say, their urge for belongingness has been fully satisfied with.

JUST FOR THE THRILL OF IT

Pleasure.  Sex.  Thrill.  For free.  Who would say no to that? Perhaps to some who consider themselves adventurous, this FWB set-up rings a bell.

In this modern jungle we live in where daily living is a battle, survival to some led them to the point of apathy.  Sex with no emotion; pleasure just to gratify lust; thrill just for the kill.  But behind the pleasure and leverage introduced by FWB, one of them ends up falling for the other.  And once the inevitable feeling has been nurtured, it is way too impossible to say that it is just a non-emotional bed encounter of two naked bodies inventing different styles of friction.

Some women say that it’s just the thrill of having sex with someone you are not emotionally attached with.  But they likewise clarify that they chose someone they are more comfortable with; someone they at least like; someone attractive sexually.

Someone they like.

And with a loud and obnoxious invocation, these women claim that it is just for the thrill of it which they cannot find in a steady relationship.

Nothing is sweeter than what is forbidden.  And sex between stolen moments will always be as satisfying.

POWER AND CONTROL

Welcome to the 21st century where women are regarded as co-equals of men!  Hail the majestic women who finally paved way in strengthening the rights of women in a society run by men.

And along with the so-called women empowerment comes along the urge of some for power and control –even in bed.

These women go for the kill.  They will not be used.  They will not be directed how the relationship should go.  They are born to lead –even if that means leading their men in bed.  They can come and go in a relationship and no one has the right to question them why.  They have no time to cry and proclaim that no man on earth has the damn right to hurt them.

And the safest way to keep their hearts from bleeding is to engage in an open relationship where one may wish to come and go, and allow their buddies to maintain a steady partner while keeping them as bed buddy –nothing more but bed buddy.

And these women find haven at the comfort of FWB where no man will ever leave them –or so they thought.

NO STRINGS ATTACHED

So he dumped you.  He made you cry and left you.  And from then on, you vowed never to commit the same mistakes again.  And for the hapless you, the sanest solution you ever think of is to enter in a no-strings-attached relationship which, as time revolves, was converted into what we now call ‘friends with benefits’ affair.

The FWB affair sounds more reasonable to you since it brings you within your comfort zone.  No, you will never be alone again.  And he can never break your heart once more.  No expectations, no commitments, no plans; just the satisfying feeling that somebody will be there when your hormones start to rise.  And one phone call away is all it takes if you want somebody to hold you tight when exigency calls.  And in this modern day set-up, you can assure yourself that you will avoid getting hurt in the process.

The hassle of frequent quarrels and misunderstanding, the heart bursting tantrum brought by jealousy and unavoidable temptation of infidelity will be put at rest to a certain point.  No heartbreaks, no explanations, no insecurities, and no more scrutiny of what the other has done or given you.  You are free to follow the dictates of your heart, find a steady partner and still maintain your bed buddy.

The refusal to commit oneself and being hurt in the process are the top reasons given by some women why they prefer FWB over a steady one.

The above-mentioned are some of the common reasons why women prefer to engage in a ‘friends with benefits’ affair.  Be it for convenience or fun, as front for the ego heads, or simply to fulfill the sexual desire we constantly feed the animal within, it cannot be denied that the comfort zone the affair offers is just a temporary set-back we need to relinquish when the appropriate time comes.  And when it does, are you ready to face the challenge of a real and steady relationship?

The downfall of FWB affair is the fact that we women make it impossible to have sex without having our emotions attached. We often find it difficult to go to bed with a man we don’t feel anything with.  More often than not, we tend to fall for our bed buddies.  And everything comes to crumble once the expectation starts and jealousy steps in. Apparently once our bed buddies (whose sole intent is sex convenience) become threatened, they start to leave us.  And the purpose of not getting hurt becomes now a mistaken belief and being alone once again becomes inevitable.

One night stand, a forbidden affair, friends with benefits, or whatever misnomer we could think of to describe this modern type of relationship –there is one thing these women keep to themselves and refused to admit: the plain obvious that they all wanted something real. Unfortunately for some, the real thing is not that always easy to find or once found, it becomes unavailable.

And they are left with no other better option but to join the ‘friends with benefits’ fan club.

Amidst the protest of many women who are engaged in this type of relationship, the FWB affair is not really a want but rather an excuse which the modern society will readily accept.  Finally, they have found the perfect justification for being unattached.  And so, they continuously pretend that the trend introduced by ‘friends with benefits’ affair suits them and is therefore more practical as they set aside their eagerness to have the real thing.

Do little we admit that deep within us is that little girl who wish finding the right guy someday; that one day, despite of what we have been through, the man destined for us will find his way and sweep us off our feet.  We all linger and are desperate to have that happily ever after ending.   And even the most powerful egoistic bitch out there has been keeping that little secret too in her cold ruthless heart.

The above-mentioned are given by different women in all walks of life.  You can go back all over again from the start down to the last and you will find one evident truth which is hidden behind the words given to me by those women:  SADNESS.

You live only once.  How you make most of it or enjoy it is your business; but it is likewise your accountability.

Go free.  Live light.  Love to the fullest.  Laugh with all your hearts out.  Be touched like a virgin…these are the basics of life which no one has the right to suppress.  But our own version and unique way of enjoying life to the fullest is a different thing.  Once our own version of life fails due to our own caprices and experiments, it is only us who will be held accountable at the end of the day.

So enjoy your cake.

NOTE: photo attached is not mine

16 thoughts on “EAT MY CAKE! (The Friends With Benefits Relationship)

  1. isa ka po bang Psychologist?

  2. Reblogged this on thelovelybiatch and commented:

    I am forced to do a reblog on this article in preparation for the new one I am working with since they are intertwined and somewhat related. For the mean time, enjoy the cake!

  3. i am back again what kind of cake premium b….. anyway maganda ang obra….

  4. akala ko manager, ang sinasabi mo ay literal na cake.. ibang cake pala.. hmmm.. magandang babasahin.. may points ka ha.. winner!

  5. hello, biatch… angkop na subject recycled fruitcake pag kapapasok lang ng taon, hihihi. hanggang february, may fruitcake pa sa bahay-bahay at sa opisina, litsing buhay yaan…

    anyway, binasa ko to before, kapatid. one of your posts ata na kinatakutan ko, haha. ang sama… ang masasabi ko, para yaan sa malalakas ang loob, hakhak… if i know, pangarap mo din lang ya’n, kapatid. you wonder how others do it – jump from one relationship to the next, haha.

    ewan ko, andami kasing Hollywood series saying na okey lang ang ganyan – mabilis ang panahon, makuntento sa temporary connections (connections talaga) and move on agad, to the next adventure and hurt, hoho.

    actually, kung ang mga batang kapitbahay ko ang pagbabatayan, parang ganyan din, haha. as in, mga 20 or 21 pa lang sila, animo’y nakapag-shopping na, higit sa lima na ang naging ka-relasyon. malakas talaga maka-impluwensya ang Hollywood, hahaha.

    if i know, conservative ka, sister. sa lumang panahon tayo, feeling ko lang.😉 happy 2014!

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